Don t divorce your children

Divorce is certainly an emotional time for families. In fact, it ranks as one of the most stressful experiences in life. However, it is not only the adults who experience this stress. If the adults are parents, their children often suffer greatly. Their suffering can not be entirely eliminated. A certain amount of grief at the 'death' of their parents' relationship is to be expected. Nevertheless, while the adults are going through typically arduous legal wrangling it is important for them to remember the needs of their children and put them first. Deciding to cooperate for their sake will help to protect the children's emotional well being by maintaining their sense of security and need for unconditional love. Marital breakdown is difficult for everyone - especially children. There are several ways in which loving, responsible parents can cooperate for the good of their children. Even though the marriage may have broken down, the parental relationship is 'till death do us part'.

Child and youth counselors emphasize that children need lasting relationships with both parents. More often than not joint custody is granted because of this accepted understanding. Ideally, the relationship of the parents should be business-like and cooperative for the sake of the children. Children should not witness hostility between their parents and should not hear negative statements about either parent. It is recommended that parents commit to regularly scheduled meetings, in a neutral location for the purpose of discussing child-related issues. Education, medical, religious and moral issues that concern the children's well - being need to be dealt with by both parents. If emotions prohibit calm conversation, there are often family justice counselors available in the community to facilitate these important meetings.

Children going through the divorce of their parents usually have many questions and worries. Compassionate responses are required and it certainly takes mature parents in order to put aside their own issues and help their children gain some understanding about a situation over which they have no control. Unfortunately, many children experience guilt and often blame themselves for the marital breakup of their parents. Counseling - whether group or individual - can be an effective way to lessen this destructive burden. The objectivity of the counselor may help the child open up and share his/her feelings. As children mature, their questions will differ so the issue of their parents' divorce is never really over. A commitment on behalf of both parents to open communication with the children will reassure them greatly.

Estate planning and insurance concerns when you divorce

If you are getting a divorce from your spouse, you have a lot of planning to do. You will need to name your own beneficiaries, organize your divided assets, and set up your individual estate.

It is important that you meet with a qualified attorney to discuss the specifics of planning your estate to ensure that your wishes are carried out as you desire. You need to be well versed in the most strategic methods of dividing your joint estate so that you do not end up paying all of the taxes while he or she enjoys the benefits of your assets.

I have outlined some important information for you to be aware of when planning your estate after your divorce. Please keep in mind that divorces lend themselves to new structures for individuals. You will want to meet with a qualified attorney to discuss how to best protect your new estate.

Assigning Your Beneficiary

During your marriage, chances are your spouse was the sole or major beneficiary of your estate. After your divorce, it is important that you designate a new beneficiary on all of your documents and for all of your accounts.

The federal law called ERISA pre-empts state laws that automatically remove an ex-spouse as the beneficiary of retirement plans. Therefore, it’s important that you remove the ex-spouse as the beneficiary unless you wish for him or her to remain as your designated beneficiary.

Please note: Once you re-name your beneficiary, it is possible that your ex-spouse will still retain the rights to part of your retirement benefits that you accrued during the time of your marriage. I recommend consulting with a qualified estate planning attorney to determine just how much of your benefits and estate will be designated to your ex-spouse after your divorce.

Dividing Your Assets

During the course of your divorce, you and your ex-spouse determine how your joint estate will be divided. Take a minute to review a few assets that you will need to divide: 1) appreciated assets, such as mutual funds, and stocks; 2) real estate, including investments, repairs, insurances and mortgages; 3) personal property, such as jewelry, artwork and clothes; 4) retirement plans, such as qualified plans and IRA’s; and 5) your home, which can be divided in different ways to meet both parties’ financial needs.

Establishing a Trust

Many people will create a Trust to ensure that a designated Trustee will have control over funds after death. There are three Trusts that you can explore when planning your estate:

1. The Revocable Living Trust helps you avoid probate by allowing your Trustee to distribute your assets according to the instructions that you have outlined.

2. The Children’s Trust allows you to designate funds that your child will use later in his life to pay for his education, home, etc.

3. The Irrevocable Life Insurance Trust, otherwise known as “ILIT”, allows you to distribute the death benefit estate tax-free when and how you want, even long after you’re gone.

Divorce is never easy. It’s typically a very long and arduous process as both parties work to get their portions of the shared assets. If you’re going through a divorce it is important to speak with a qualified attorney who can walk you through all of the tax and asset considerations that you need to be aware of to ensure that you receive the best possible settlement.